


The Darker the Berry

by Jetti



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Interracial Relationship, Lonely Steve Rogers, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Reminiscing, Steve Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-18
Updated: 2017-08-18
Packaged: 2018-12-16 17:45:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11833821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jetti/pseuds/Jetti
Summary: Steve reminisces about the secret love he had before he went to war, before Jim Crow laws were abolished.





	The Darker the Berry

Being put on ice for 70 years sure does a number on a person. Not only are most, if not all, people that Steve knew and loved now dead, but he has missed decades of cultural exchanges, technological innovation, and societal changes. There’s so much to take in, it feels as if he will never catch up. The material he has been given by SHIELD to catch him up to speed helps and it makes him feel as if he is back in school. 

What particularly piques his interest is the Civil Rights Movement. It shocks him. Steve can think back and remember Jim Crowe laws. Blacks and whites were segregated in just about every way of life. He remembers the angry looks, snide remarks, and at times witnessed maltreatment due to race. And there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. He would have liked to think that he could help anyone in need, anyone in trouble, getting jumped in an alley; but Steve couldn’t lift a finger if the case was a white offender and a black victim. That action would be considered betraying your own race, going against the order of things. The color of a person’s skin didn’t matter to Steve, yet he had to follow the status quo, lest he stir up even worse trouble. 

In Brooklyn, it was hard to avoid seeing the injustice day in and day out. During the Great Migration, southern blacks had moved to northern states like New York, especially in Brooklyn neighborhoods, to have a better life. Steve had guessed a Northern state would be better than a Southern, but he wondered how much their qualities of life changed when prejudice knew no borders. 

Seeing that Nick Fury being in a place of high authority did give Steve a hint at the societal change that had occurred while he was out of commission, but he never could have predicted the extent of it, and so rapidly in such a short period of time. 

Steve thinks back to Keandra. She was a neighbor down the hall from the apartment he shared with Bucky. She was beautiful, flawless dark skin, the color of obsidian, plaited hair, and the sweetest smile he had ever seen on a dame. He finally reached an opportunity to speak with her once when she needed help unclogging her kitchen sink. They chatted amiably enough. It wasn’t until she offered him coffee after he finished his task that Steve blurted out that he liked her. She was frozen, a look of confusion and disbelief stricken across her face. Steve did his best to look sincere, earnest, to reassure her that he were speaking the truth and not pulling a prank on her. He fumbled his words, desperate to have his meaning understood properly. She lightly laughed, held her hands up in a calming fashion, and said she believed him. And, boy, did that make Steve’s heart soar.

He knew Bucky did not share the narrow-mindedness of so many white Americans, but despite being his best friend, Steve could not divulge this sensitive information, fearing it would somehow leak out to others. 

So he didn’t. 

Steve’s relationship with Keandra was a secret. Inter-racial couples were frowned upon, the cause of public ridicule and sometimes violence. They both knew this. They had to be smart, undetectable of their true intentions, so they did not go out together publically. If Bucky wasn’t at work, Steve made the excuse of a homework assignment or helping a neighbor with some kind of project. 

Keandra lived alone. She was an Education student at the City College and worked as a secretary on campus. She pictured herself teaching black children at a Rosenwald school, where she could teach the next generation of African-Americans. She was always so passionate about her educational and career aspirations. She was also skilled in cooking as well as making her own dresses, thanks to her then deceased mother. 

Steve loved her sense of humor, her laugh. She would put on a record of some of her favorite musicians, like Ella Fitzgerald and Count Basie, and those two would dance as if they were out at The Savoy, a dance hall in Harlem. She would laugh when he stumbled over his own two feet, but that was at the beginning. Steve got the hang of it after a while, though his asthma kept him on a bit of a short leash.

He was always so excited to pay her a visit, but leaving her apartment always generated an empty feeling in the pit of his stomach. There was always that niggling fear hanging over him—a feeling in the back of his mind—that he could be found out. Steve was not ashamed of their relationship, and he always felt that a person’s character and kindness held more water than the color of their skin. None of that mattered to the outside world. 

Steve was absolutely terrified that harm would come to Keandra. Although he cared for her, he still felt that his presence in her life was a threat. In what world does loving someone create a risk of danger? He did his best to ignore these dreadful thoughts and to leave them outside the door of her apartment, not to come in and spoil what the two of them had, even if it could only exist in that room.

Then the bombing of Pearl Harbor occurred and the country was thrust into the war in Europe. Young, able-bodied American men were going overseas to protect their country. Bucky was one of many in New York that would go and join their brothers in arms, but Steve’s health would not allow him the ability to follow. That was, until he were accepted into a top-secret program. 

He told Keandra as soon as he found out himself. She cried her eyes out, holding Steve close, asking why. He wasn’t sure if she was questioning him or God, but he answered all the same. Steve could do his part in defending his country. By going off, he was also protecting Keandra. They had been lucky so far, but how much longer could he continue to go on as he did? When he returned, Steve could move on to somewhere more accepting. Keandra could get herself a fine job teaching at a Rosenwald school like she wanted and he could work on earning his own degree while working, too. They could start a family, then. Go the distance. Sure, it sounded optimistic and maybe a bit foolish and naive, but it was something he could hope for. Steve had not anticipated crashing Schmidt’s plane into the Arctic and basically hibernating until being discovered decades later. 

All of Steve’s planning for the future meant nothing now. He was in the year 2014. He checked public records and found that Keandra had married a black man named Benton, had three children, and died in ’97 of heart disease. It helped, knowing that she was able to move on after his “death”. Fleeting thoughts of what-could-have-been passed through his mind from time to time, but reminding himself that he would never know aided in banishing them from his thoughts. 

Steve had to move on himself. His life was this one right now and he couldn’t lose himself to the one of his past. It didn’t take much, the introduction of Gods from another universe and an intergalactic threat did keep him grounded in the present.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a few years back. I wanted to write a story that explored interracial relationships and discussed colorism. I believe the documentary "Dark Girls" is what sparked my interest. I haven't written in a while and thought, why not post something that's sitting in my documents folder? I hope this inspires me to write again, to continue this. I did some history research for this, and had a plan for it. I'll leave it as a standalone for now, and if I continue the storyline for present day, add it as a sequel.


End file.
